The things I would do to Kate Hudson...

Hmm I haven't written for a couple o' weeks because, other than the weekend, I haven't done a huge amount of interesting shizzzz - poverty and an essay and midterms have limited the F-U-N (or at least anything you guys have any interest/duty in reading about).

Had my anthropology exam on Tuesday after Thanksgiving - which by the way involved me eating my body weight in turkey and pumpkin pie and was frankly SPECTACULAR. I may have to bathe myself in pumpkin pie annually... So we had that dinner, splendid amounts of beverages (as is the way on our visits to the Armstrong's - they're harder core than the students... who are all 17 and wasted so ain't got nothin.) watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days - which I stand by

calling a spectacular film. Potentially because I have a massive girl-crush on Kate Hudson.

Brilliant, beautiful woman.

Oh and there was a hot tub...

Spent Monday cramming for this exam, with much needed help from Tyler - got my results back on Thursday (because apparently everything in Canada is multiple choice, so the lecturers don't have to, you know, mark anything. Heaven forbid.) Ok - I have never studied Anthropology, I just went to the lectures and then learnt some names and dates the night before. I

got 90%. Some people whose course this is got marks like 32%. I don't understand how some of the members of my class of 300 got into university. Some of the stupid shit they come out with, addressing the lecturer in front of the other 299 of us who don't care what you think you know that is totally cocking irrelevant to the subject, is ridiculous. The most recent comment, but by no means the most retarded, came from some bint in a lecture about homestead's in Africa. Our [incredibly excellent] lecturer had drawn a model of one on the board. Having finished clearly explaining basic things, like where the wifes live in the compound, he asked if we had any questions. Her gobby response was basically asking him if that was a picture of a town, then - finally grasping what it was - she asked where this happened

"Ghana, but also in some places in Sierra Leone, Togo and Burkino Faso."

"What are those, islands?"

slightly shocked and disgusted pause

"No. They're countries in West Africa."

nice one tit. It's not the ignorance which astounds me, it's the pure conviction of their rightness and total lack of caring about anything we're talking about. IT'S SO INTERESTING. And in order to express to you how brilliant my lecturer is - as well as knowing lots and being good at teaching -obvz- and just caring about real shit - in the last lecture I had he made my day by - when teaching us about a people called the Hu:

"Hu... pronounced 'who'? I think that's right - does anyone know? No? Hu.. Huuu, sounds like Dr. Seuss. Oh santa why are you ruining Christmas?!" He then went on to recite a sizeable chunk of the opening of The Grinch. in explanation he said "I've read that a lot... and this one-" AND THEN HE RECITED THE OPENING OF WHERE THE FREAKING WILD THINGS ARE.

what a totally excellent man. It was all I could do to resist standing up and throwing my books in the air screaming "LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!"

I've been re-listening to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy while walking to lectures. It is so monumentally fantastic - and I hadn't realised Stephen Fry, Christian Slater and Sir Patrick Moore all pop up in it. It does mean I'm snorting and grinning to myself at the hilarity while

getting skated past by 'cute dudes' on longboards and girls who have fast moving conversations about the sexual orientation of their friend's little brother/people being secretly poor/guys being hot etc. But I think I can live with that.

Last Friday night was young [kiwi] Willy's 21st buffday, it was frankly brilliant - the 6 or so hardcore of us never made it out... because we'd rather stay in inebriated with sweet people than go and have to attempt to stave off the grind-advances and terrible music with $8 alcopops... Went shopping when I woke up and got some FRICKIN SWEET SKI-PANTS [that's right, I'm now super canadian. neat.] which I love. They are bright blue. also had a somewhat still drunk luncheon/breakfast. (drunk-bruncheon) with Linda, Vikki and Linda's Canadian friend Lauren who was so very good to us and has said she'd drive us up to Edmonton one weekend which is sweeeet! There's the biggest mall in North America or something up there. I believe it has a roller coaster. Inside it. Underground. Yes, underground.

Saturday night was the Decentralised Dance Party which, for those of you arsed enough to read

about it, is THIS: http://www.decentralizeddanceparty.com/tour/

for those who aren't it's this party, started in Vancouver I do believe, where they have a sound system which links up to the 200 BOOMB

OXES (very 90s i know) they provided [we suspect perhaps it is an ipod and an iTrip. very advanced stuff, flawless mixing.], you also bring your own stereooo. Then people dance holding them and the music is throughout the party and it moooves through the streets

of the city. It was one of the best nights put on in Calgary, which isn't exactly famous for it's banging nightlife. Excluding the Den. Which I do. Willy, Nic, Andy and I tracked that down eventually, finding Beaver and

Linda and Vikki and peoples dancing their pants off. Oh and Jesus. There we some rather spectacular outfits, but I think that a huge amount

of credit deserves to go to the man with Teenage

Mutant Ninja Turtles earmuffs and shell backpack. Mainly because I hope he wears them often in his day to day life.

Since then I have been doing my Canadian Literature essay, which has of course been a riot, and just chillin, killin, the usual. Drinking ice tea in Willy's cupboard, that sort of thing.

We're going hang gliding again this weekend! Hopefully the wind will be better, I'd say that about my flying skillz BUT WE KNOW THAT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE. so yeeeah... Also this week I did acquire the most wonderful hat - which Nicola knitted "yeah, but it took aages"

"oh really Nic? Like how long?"

"Hmm well I was watching You, me and Dupree... soo, 3 hours?".

yeah.

'ages'.

Willy wishes he had it still (I ran away from his room wearing it.) But he doesn't.

I do.

Going ice skating tonight on an International Students trip again which should be gooood, though another super early saturday start so must really try to restrain myself... I just get crazy around Cool Runnings locations. CAN YOU BLAME ME?!

Had my other exam today, for Detective Fiction. That too, was multiple choice. I do not understand... how that is ok... for an English exam. But apparently it is. And I didn't have to revise and it took me 15 minutes out of 50. So I'm not going to complain (any more than I just have -see above).

I would also, before I go, like everyone to take a moment to really digest and honour the fact that Martin Freeman... has been cast as Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit films. Yes. I know.

What a great day.

Final newflash - Milk Duds: they wish they were toffee poppets, but they're trapped in inferior Canadian chocolate. But the box they come in is huge and full. So they're pretty damn good...

FACT: Emily Crick Makes My Life Better

THANK YOU I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME.

What a great day. I annihilated my anthropology exam and I have been sent love wrapped in purple foil.

I GOT LIKE 3 FEET OF AIR THAT TIME

Sorry it's been a while avid fans, I'm sure your evenings have been cold and lonely without my soothing words...

SO since my last post much has happened. The first thing that springs to mind is the fact that... oh I don't know, I LEARNED TO FLY. Yes. That's right. Linda, Vikki and I (a good solid British contingent) had the pleasure of getting up at 6:45am to go and meet the gang with whom we

went HANG GLIDING.

We learnt the principles in Ground School (Oh yeah, ground school. We're practically in Top Gun.) and got on a training hill on Saturday. Now before you all

get incredibly jealous/terrified [depending on the extremity of your disposition] thinking we jumped off a mountain and SOARED WITH THE EAGLE (as the incredibly patronising and filarious training video kept declaring) we were in fact just running along the ground with incredibly heavy WINGS and deeply sexy headwear. Here is an action shot of me nearly decapitating our nice instructor Rob with my glider having run down a hill. So graceful. As ever.

But it was very very fun and by the end of the morning we'd all felt the glider beginning to lift us off the ground, and the raw

pain of the it, but none of us had managed to fly. We were calling it a day because everyone had got hot and knackered, so as a last abandonment of caution I decided to go higher up the hill and just go for it and then THIS HAPPENED

I don't care how unimpressive it may look. It was so difficult and it felt AMAZING :D. Our second day got cancelled due to high winds (boo) but we can go to another intro course at the end of October if we want, so it's aaaall gooood. The night before out early rise was celebrated by a toga party - for ski club - which we all know cannot fail to be an excellent combination of drinking, dancing [or 'grinding' as it's pronounced in Canada] and going to bed stupidly close to the time you're getting up.

This picture features the heroic forms of (L-R) Laia, Anna, Ailbhe [see below], me and Marine.

Other events from the last couple of weeks have been 3 consecutive nights of going downtown with my splendid new Irish friend Ailbhe (that's Alva to everyone who doesn't understand RIDICULOUS IRISH SPELLING) to watch brilliant improvised theatre, which seemed appropriate as it's been the Calgary International Improv Festival here. The final night we went to see Colin Mochrie (From 'Who's Line is it Anyway?'). The night before I made us slightly late (shocking I know, I'm usually so very punctual) and we arrived at the theatre just as the show started - But I shall use this as a total positive argument for LATENESS -

1. We got there at starting time so got extremely cheap, last-second tickets.

2. Some nice man was holding the door open for us. That nice fella was Colin Mochrie

Neither of these excellent things would've happened if we had been all prompt, dull and on time. So- me: 1, the laws of timekeeping: 0 (this is an independent score that doesn't take into account the various classes/films/buses I have been late for). After the final night we also discovered that Calgary doesn't really function after 9pm. We were Downtown. Yes, Downtown, where all the partying goings on should be taking place - and fast food should be readily available at any hour. but at 9.15 we only managed to locate, after blocks of walking, a single, open, suitable grease-stained-potentially-not-real-meat-serving establishment.

"Why is nothing open really-not-that-late?" We pontificated. Then some horribly drunk, horribly Scottish patrons of the delicatessen we were in the process of trading with came in and were horribly drunk and scottish. and lairy. and drunk. That I think was the answer to our question.

A quick assessment of my finances this weekend illustrated that I am in fact completely shafted in terms of... well... money. I seem to have $700 to last me 11 weeks. AHAHAHHAHA. Oh good. So of course I responsibly declared I couldn't possibly go and see Rusko (an actually decent DJ. IN CALGARY. THERE WOULD BE BASS! sadly a lack of 'Drum and -' and a surplus of WAPWAPWAP) as I couldn't justify the spendingz. And then my lavly frunds bribed me into going with a free ticket. And alcohol. So yeeeeeeeeeeah... that happened. awesome night with Andy and Nic (Leeds massive) and WILLY (token kiwi). So despite the unlikeliness of them reading

this I would like to say A-THANK YOU VAIR MUCH to all involved, apart, of course, from the coordinated person who threw something at Rusko's table in all the excitement near the end and totally fucked his laptop screen, putting an end to the mixing for the night. NICE ONE BRUVAAA.

Beyond these my life has consisted of a few meetings about writing for the student newspaper, improvisation club and writing my PAPER [the length is given in pages, like at primary school. I shall not dignify it with the title 'essay'] for Detective Fiction class - IN WHICH I GOT TO WRITE ABOUT DEXTER. God it was a bit awesome. I'm also studying Frank Miller's graphic novel [BATMAN GRAPHIC NOVEL] 'The Dark Knight Returns' for the same class. So basically wasting $90 to quit Geography was totally worth it.

Oh also, the play I got cast in - oh did I mention that? Well I got a part in these scenes some grad students have to direct for their course - was in an excerpt from 'The Heidi Chronicles'. But my grad student cancelled our first read through, then dropped out of the course. Sooo... OH WELL. I shall just have to perform that little bit more in my every day life. BRING ON THE DANCE ROUTINE. It was English-Ricky's 21st on Wednesday, so we had 'quiet drinks' in his flat. The Dirty Pint I watched him down made me feel incredibly sick and thankful for my singular beer. Which Ricky provided. Because I am now an impoverished freeloader apparently. Though certain people saw me as that in Leeds, so perhaps I'm just realising my true identity. Anyone got some ground I can kiss?

But I am going to get a JOB dammit, and I will go SKIING*. And that is final.

*I'll probably go snowboarding. I assume I will be a natural as I think it will suit my look. Especially the being-on-my-arse-a-lot part.

Going to the Armstrong's for dinner on Sunday for THANKSGIVING which is hugely exciting. And studying for my mid-term in Anthropology which is on Tuesday. Excellent.

quick warning that due to money situations posts may get

a) hugely less exciting as I can't do anything [just noticed I can italicise, may be able stop SHOUTING]

b) hugely more exciting as I have to find unusual free fun [and I've discovered this]

c) a combination of the 2 staying mostly, mundanely the same.

So something to look forward to there. Along with the John Butler Trio concert Tyler bought me a ticket for as my birthday present. and christmas present. for the rest of our lives. hero.

So I shall leave you salivating for that... or recovering from the mindless bombardment of this. Either way, I'm sure counselling will help.