Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?

Serial killers. They're so hideously fascinating aren't they? I'd say - "right? er... is it just me?", but to be honest: I know for a fact it isn't. Aside from the hundreds of books and documentaries on the topic (not to mention some really meaty and definitely-worth-a-good-juicy-chunk-of-trawling-time Wikipedia pages), my boyfriend has a borderline-worrying interest in these fellas...*
I watched Mary Harron's 1991 film American Psycho last night for the first time since I was old enough to understand more of the psychological and satirical complexities of it, rather than just being excited by the incredibly inappropriate things my under-age friends and I were able to tick off our watched list.
Christian Bale's character is the potentially unreliable narrator Patrick Bateman (named, I presume, by Bret Easton Ellis after Hitchcock's Psycho Norman Bates. I believe Bateman's mother comes into the book quite a bit, though this pastiche element has been omitted from the film).
The main character's egocentric world illuminates Ellis's criticism of a corporate and contrived world he himself was once unhappily immersed in. It's illustrated very effectively in the film, with Bateman's behaviour and voiceovers beautifully teetering, sometimes very dangerously, between psychopath and externally flawless yuppie. Subtlety intermittently juxtaposed with gruesome brutality means that this film's plot, unlike Bateman, doesn't need to smash you over the head.
Bale's performance can be both eerie and hilarious and his physicality throughout is wonderful, ranging from blank faced absence to blood spattered manic and swinging occassionally through naked and working out. Which is fine.
Having not yet read the book I can't make any comment on how good the film is as a conversion, but it does communicate clearly and powerfully a character whose whole self is painstakingly constructed and practised, to the point where reality itself becomes dubious.
If you haven't seen this film ever (if your parents were more concerned by the ratings on videos you watched under 10) or it's somehow slipped under your radar - or if you just haven't seen it this week - I'd definitely recommend it. Probably not for the squeamish though. The content does rather live up to the name...

*Also for the mutually morbidly fascinated then have a wikipedia of Canada-grown Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka and the horrible things they did in the 80s/90s. I do warn you that this is some dark shit.

Now, so that I'm not just leaving this post with a creepy and sectioning-supporting tone, here is a tiny lizard.                                                                                                              

enjoy.

BINGE BLOGGING

Oh my good grief - I did not realise how much time has elapsed since I last wrote. That is completely ridiculous, I am terribly sorry - I've managed to get myself incredibly busy 'recently' (i.e. in the last month and a half) I found the draft of the one I started on the 4th November, which was already a late one... I'll finish what I was saying with that then just give you a quick blow by blow (waay) of what's been happening over here in balmy Calgary...

"I write this post a little bit merry but I've been meaning to get round to doing this for so long! Just about to go and check my post with ma good friend Willy, I got a package the day before yesterday from my fantastic parents containing chocolate and tea (anyone who wants to send the same please please feel absolutely free to). YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! [thank you Luke!!!!!]

Last weekend was Halloween.

[as if I haven't even told you excited people about Halloween yet!]

The whole weekend seemed to count as Halloween and it started on Thursday really. Because of the Den, Thursday is just a big night out on campus, so despite staying in- drunkenness usually occurs.

I had a nice evening with Willy, Nicola and Andy" - we had a civilised dinner together - then I went to watch The Liar - a Commedia play Linda gave up her social life for a few weeks to do the lighting for as coursework (booo) - so Vikki and I were at that for a couple of hours. As I left Willy's flat before going the last thing said to me, by him, was "We might be a bit drunk by the time you get back".

This was a slight understatement.

Picture the scene. We get into Cascade and Vikki and I part ways at the entrance, as I turn towards my and Willy's corridor I hear an approaching rumbling - eventually a longboard rolls around the corner into view with Trevor (Andy's Noca Scotian flatmate) lying stomach down on it, swimming along the ground at speed, with Andy in a clown wig and Ross (Willy's flatmate) in sunglasses, in hot pursuit. Just as my brain twists itself around this arrival the flat door between me and them is opened and Willy steps out, looking away from me at the ridiculous boys. He then turns to look at me, clutching a tea towel to his ear which I see is bleeding profusely. From smashing plates on his head. Yes. Plates. Plural. 'Ruthless'... and ridiculous.

Strangely unfazed by this I walk into Willy's flat and the big kitchen table has disappeared during my 2 hour absence and appears to have been replaced by shards of shattered crockery. Vomitting, bleeding and fighting ensued, but it was all friendly, apparently, and is even remembered fondly. Good old Time. Sweetening the most sordid of occasions...

Good thing Willy's giant hangover didn't totally clash with one of our biggest nights out in Calgary on the Friday immediately after - Major Lazor was an excellent night, back at Flames Central (STAY OFF THE GLASS CIRCLE) with brilliant people and some good old fashioned silliness. I got removed from the boy's toilets for being concerned and vocal, and got briefly tricked on the dancefloor: having been outside scavenging cigarettes from lonely looking men for my less attractive male friends (:P) I met a friendly [genuine] gay named Kyle, who told me he was visiting Calgary with his boyfriend from Vancouver. Later when I met a dapper gent in a neckerchief outside aforementioned boy's toilets he asked me to dance, and I informed him that indeed I would like to, but stressed that I would not be kissing him. He said "Oh I wouldn't want to kiss you" "Oh you're gay?" "yes"

"OH MY GOD ARE YOU KYLE'S BOYFRIEND?!"

"yeah"

*dancing. I see Kyle*

"Kyle Kyle Kyle look I found your boyfriend!"

*Kyle places a placating hand on the overexcited British girl's arm*

"No. Honey. This is my boyfriend" *pointing at rotund jolly bald fella wearing giant clock necklace dancing enthusiastically behind Kyle*

*me turning back to The Talented Mr. Creeply*

"You're not gay are you."

"No! Who's Kyle?"

"Excellent. Goodbye."

Overall it was an excellent night. Here - look how much fun we were having!

As well as all my excellent friends who were there the other clientele were a Halloween clad treat too. There was a Where's Waldo who I hilariously FOUND at the top of my voice every time he passed me, and a nativity shepherd who I adamantly accused of wearing shitty fake skinny dreads, the pulling of which (the dreads not the shepherd) revealed themselves to be firmly attached to his scalp. As they were his hair. There was also an Alan from the Hangover. And a Kenny Powers. It was a good night.

Also - my costume was bought in protest of literally every female Canadian's costumes starting with "slutty". Literally - I asked 2 calgary girls in my English class what they were dressing as for the weekend "not sure, I was going to be Slutty Peter Pan, but now I think I might be Slutty Robing Hood" Of course.

I purchased it in the most wonderful vintage/costume/fancy/magical/treasureland of a shop. And Kavanagh and Thacker, I shall be buying Glastonbury attire for us all from there with my January bursary. Possibly all of it.

Saturday saw a lovely lunch with Janice and her kids and son in law, her grandkids, Don and Don's brother - my Dad's old housemate Craig, and his wife. I was fed deliciously well and given a care package to return to halls with. I intended on resuming catching up with some sleep when I got back into Cascade, but maid-outfits clad Andy and Willy saw me arrive and had other ideas, so the party continued into Saturday night. Sunday was spent pretty much horizontally. Save the necessary fry up. Obviously.

Wow. Forgot how much there was just about Halloween! Since that I got cast in a play - another scene like the previous one I was cast in, but it was a Greek scene and [fortunately? actually happened] - I was leader of the Eumenides, which was nice. Got to be all evil. The show was last Thursday, Linda was in one of the featured scenes too so Janice came to watch and we had dinner together after.

Was fun doing drama again even if the end result wasn't very prepared... BUT AT LEAST AMON TOBIN'S BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WAS FEATURED. yes bru.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8BNGG7o9Ls

We went to Jasper to ski at Marmot Basin a few weeks ago and it was just AWESOME - had such a brilliant weekend

Remembered how much I love skiing - got back into the swing of it a bit, feeling so much more confident. was so pretty as well!

Managed to hit a rock and flip and smash my head on the ground at one point on our last run on the first day, ended up on the mountain with Andy where it was literally just the 2 of us and the slope staff closing it down cos we'd been on one of the last lifts up and then I had to sit in the snow for a wee bit. It was epic and so nice compared to how rammed it was earlier in the day! As a result of that stunt I've bought a sweet helmet now so it's alllll goooood! I realised when I got it home that it has a picture of a soldier wielding an AK47 or something on the back - but luckily my shiny new sweet goggles cover it up at the back.

It was lucky I bought this sick gear, cos it meant I looked superfly when I tried Snowboarding for the first time at Lake Louise the following weekend on the Ski Club trip. Which is all I can do as far as boarding goes, pose. Because I sure as hell can't control what I'm doing.

After 2 midterms and a presentation the (A, 71% and 84%:A respectively wooooo) I was very excited about this trip.

It was really fun having lessons with Louise - then on Sunday Hanne and Ash joined us - god my wrists and bum took a beating- and our instructor was from Skewen, where my Grandma used to live in Wales until she moved in with us, which is just ri-goddam-diculous. I borrowed Linda's skis to head down one run on Saturday, just to remind myself what it's like not being debilitatingly slow and uncoordinated. Then a wonderful night out on Saturday, with some small dampeners, resulted in a slightly less go-getter and undefeatable-feeling Sunday, first I picked up the wrong board, then couldn't stay on my damn feet, borrowed Lauren's skis when I'd stropped out of boarding and got taken out twice by boarders on one run within about 2 minutes of each other, stacked it numerous times, then nearly burst into tears numerous times coming down the mountain past closing with Lukasz - the most kindest and patient polish angel I have ever had the fortune to befriend, shitting it on a snowboard the whole way, with Ookie holding my hands and helping me up every 2 seconds when I was on my arse or face. I got to a point where I stopped feeling anything cos it was all cold and pain (oh yes, it was also -24oC or something absurd, literally hair freezingly cold) and during this interval I got more bruises than I've ever had, scratched my hands and face up, tore my gloves, and seem to have dislocated my little finger knuckle. I was playing with it today, it hasn't hurt before, it just sticks out in an odd and disconcerting way, then I think I freed a nerve cos the pain arrived a little, and the finger moved further out of place. I think I need to test out my health card and get that checked out!

Ok brief last bits - Last weekend was aussie Hanne's bday which was great (after a 9am rehearsal. following a 6.30am one on friday. yes. I know. pardon me?) and we went to see John Butler Trio (with an intact ticket!!! hallelujah. the first copy went the same way as the glastonbury return train ticket... which i luckily never needed) which was AMAZING!!! at one point 3 people were playing one drum kit. then they picked up marching drums and marched into the middle of the crowd and got us all to sit down around them [right next to us] and sing stuff back to them. It was beautiful. We partied throughout Cascade afterwards, sock party! (laundry was too involved...) and eventually crashed out ready to wake and recover in time for BEDOUIN SOUNDCLASH on sunday evening, which was MINT I SAY.

Since then my group and I nailed our presentation in Detective Fiction (just got 2 big essays left to see me out to the otherside), a girly night and Love Actually celebrated the beginning of December, and today Vikki, Lauren and Linda and I went to West Edmonton Mall (on a bus without heating. 3 hours. -12oC) which is mind blowingly large and extravagant. We stumbled across a sea lion show by chance, after lunch at Hooters. And I bought 2 dresses. Birthday treats for me. What a surreal day.

AND NOW I DO BELIEVE I'M UP TO DATE!

I should really gush at you all about Christian Bok who came in to read some of his mindtwisting poetry in my CanLit class, but that deserves more time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUNwHmQc9yk

If you get a chance look him up. There's an umloute (or however that's spelt!) over the o so it's said 'book'. He's a genius, I don't just mean an amazing artist. I mean a full on Rain Manesque genius.

And now I bid you all good night as I must sleep so I can rise and read and conquer these 2 papers.

OH AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY NEXT WEEK AND WE'RE GOING OUT SO I CAN DANCE TO DRUM AND BASS AND I'M PANTWETTINGLY EXCITED!!!!

final note

it reached -35 degrees centigrade here mid last week.

Humans.

Are not.

Meant to live here.

The things I would do to Kate Hudson...

Hmm I haven't written for a couple o' weeks because, other than the weekend, I haven't done a huge amount of interesting shizzzz - poverty and an essay and midterms have limited the F-U-N (or at least anything you guys have any interest/duty in reading about).

Had my anthropology exam on Tuesday after Thanksgiving - which by the way involved me eating my body weight in turkey and pumpkin pie and was frankly SPECTACULAR. I may have to bathe myself in pumpkin pie annually... So we had that dinner, splendid amounts of beverages (as is the way on our visits to the Armstrong's - they're harder core than the students... who are all 17 and wasted so ain't got nothin.) watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days - which I stand by

calling a spectacular film. Potentially because I have a massive girl-crush on Kate Hudson.

Brilliant, beautiful woman.

Oh and there was a hot tub...

Spent Monday cramming for this exam, with much needed help from Tyler - got my results back on Thursday (because apparently everything in Canada is multiple choice, so the lecturers don't have to, you know, mark anything. Heaven forbid.) Ok - I have never studied Anthropology, I just went to the lectures and then learnt some names and dates the night before. I

got 90%. Some people whose course this is got marks like 32%. I don't understand how some of the members of my class of 300 got into university. Some of the stupid shit they come out with, addressing the lecturer in front of the other 299 of us who don't care what you think you know that is totally cocking irrelevant to the subject, is ridiculous. The most recent comment, but by no means the most retarded, came from some bint in a lecture about homestead's in Africa. Our [incredibly excellent] lecturer had drawn a model of one on the board. Having finished clearly explaining basic things, like where the wifes live in the compound, he asked if we had any questions. Her gobby response was basically asking him if that was a picture of a town, then - finally grasping what it was - she asked where this happened

"Ghana, but also in some places in Sierra Leone, Togo and Burkino Faso."

"What are those, islands?"

slightly shocked and disgusted pause

"No. They're countries in West Africa."

nice one tit. It's not the ignorance which astounds me, it's the pure conviction of their rightness and total lack of caring about anything we're talking about. IT'S SO INTERESTING. And in order to express to you how brilliant my lecturer is - as well as knowing lots and being good at teaching -obvz- and just caring about real shit - in the last lecture I had he made my day by - when teaching us about a people called the Hu:

"Hu... pronounced 'who'? I think that's right - does anyone know? No? Hu.. Huuu, sounds like Dr. Seuss. Oh santa why are you ruining Christmas?!" He then went on to recite a sizeable chunk of the opening of The Grinch. in explanation he said "I've read that a lot... and this one-" AND THEN HE RECITED THE OPENING OF WHERE THE FREAKING WILD THINGS ARE.

what a totally excellent man. It was all I could do to resist standing up and throwing my books in the air screaming "LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!"

I've been re-listening to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy while walking to lectures. It is so monumentally fantastic - and I hadn't realised Stephen Fry, Christian Slater and Sir Patrick Moore all pop up in it. It does mean I'm snorting and grinning to myself at the hilarity while

getting skated past by 'cute dudes' on longboards and girls who have fast moving conversations about the sexual orientation of their friend's little brother/people being secretly poor/guys being hot etc. But I think I can live with that.

Last Friday night was young [kiwi] Willy's 21st buffday, it was frankly brilliant - the 6 or so hardcore of us never made it out... because we'd rather stay in inebriated with sweet people than go and have to attempt to stave off the grind-advances and terrible music with $8 alcopops... Went shopping when I woke up and got some FRICKIN SWEET SKI-PANTS [that's right, I'm now super canadian. neat.] which I love. They are bright blue. also had a somewhat still drunk luncheon/breakfast. (drunk-bruncheon) with Linda, Vikki and Linda's Canadian friend Lauren who was so very good to us and has said she'd drive us up to Edmonton one weekend which is sweeeet! There's the biggest mall in North America or something up there. I believe it has a roller coaster. Inside it. Underground. Yes, underground.

Saturday night was the Decentralised Dance Party which, for those of you arsed enough to read

about it, is THIS: http://www.decentralizeddanceparty.com/tour/

for those who aren't it's this party, started in Vancouver I do believe, where they have a sound system which links up to the 200 BOOMB

OXES (very 90s i know) they provided [we suspect perhaps it is an ipod and an iTrip. very advanced stuff, flawless mixing.], you also bring your own stereooo. Then people dance holding them and the music is throughout the party and it moooves through the streets

of the city. It was one of the best nights put on in Calgary, which isn't exactly famous for it's banging nightlife. Excluding the Den. Which I do. Willy, Nic, Andy and I tracked that down eventually, finding Beaver and

Linda and Vikki and peoples dancing their pants off. Oh and Jesus. There we some rather spectacular outfits, but I think that a huge amount

of credit deserves to go to the man with Teenage

Mutant Ninja Turtles earmuffs and shell backpack. Mainly because I hope he wears them often in his day to day life.

Since then I have been doing my Canadian Literature essay, which has of course been a riot, and just chillin, killin, the usual. Drinking ice tea in Willy's cupboard, that sort of thing.

We're going hang gliding again this weekend! Hopefully the wind will be better, I'd say that about my flying skillz BUT WE KNOW THAT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE. so yeeeah... Also this week I did acquire the most wonderful hat - which Nicola knitted "yeah, but it took aages"

"oh really Nic? Like how long?"

"Hmm well I was watching You, me and Dupree... soo, 3 hours?".

yeah.

'ages'.

Willy wishes he had it still (I ran away from his room wearing it.) But he doesn't.

I do.

Going ice skating tonight on an International Students trip again which should be gooood, though another super early saturday start so must really try to restrain myself... I just get crazy around Cool Runnings locations. CAN YOU BLAME ME?!

Had my other exam today, for Detective Fiction. That too, was multiple choice. I do not understand... how that is ok... for an English exam. But apparently it is. And I didn't have to revise and it took me 15 minutes out of 50. So I'm not going to complain (any more than I just have -see above).

I would also, before I go, like everyone to take a moment to really digest and honour the fact that Martin Freeman... has been cast as Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit films. Yes. I know.

What a great day.

Final newflash - Milk Duds: they wish they were toffee poppets, but they're trapped in inferior Canadian chocolate. But the box they come in is huge and full. So they're pretty damn good...

FACT: Emily Crick Makes My Life Better

THANK YOU I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME.

What a great day. I annihilated my anthropology exam and I have been sent love wrapped in purple foil.

I GOT LIKE 3 FEET OF AIR THAT TIME

Sorry it's been a while avid fans, I'm sure your evenings have been cold and lonely without my soothing words...

SO since my last post much has happened. The first thing that springs to mind is the fact that... oh I don't know, I LEARNED TO FLY. Yes. That's right. Linda, Vikki and I (a good solid British contingent) had the pleasure of getting up at 6:45am to go and meet the gang with whom we

went HANG GLIDING.

We learnt the principles in Ground School (Oh yeah, ground school. We're practically in Top Gun.) and got on a training hill on Saturday. Now before you all

get incredibly jealous/terrified [depending on the extremity of your disposition] thinking we jumped off a mountain and SOARED WITH THE EAGLE (as the incredibly patronising and filarious training video kept declaring) we were in fact just running along the ground with incredibly heavy WINGS and deeply sexy headwear. Here is an action shot of me nearly decapitating our nice instructor Rob with my glider having run down a hill. So graceful. As ever.

But it was very very fun and by the end of the morning we'd all felt the glider beginning to lift us off the ground, and the raw

pain of the it, but none of us had managed to fly. We were calling it a day because everyone had got hot and knackered, so as a last abandonment of caution I decided to go higher up the hill and just go for it and then THIS HAPPENED

I don't care how unimpressive it may look. It was so difficult and it felt AMAZING :D. Our second day got cancelled due to high winds (boo) but we can go to another intro course at the end of October if we want, so it's aaaall gooood. The night before out early rise was celebrated by a toga party - for ski club - which we all know cannot fail to be an excellent combination of drinking, dancing [or 'grinding' as it's pronounced in Canada] and going to bed stupidly close to the time you're getting up.

This picture features the heroic forms of (L-R) Laia, Anna, Ailbhe [see below], me and Marine.

Other events from the last couple of weeks have been 3 consecutive nights of going downtown with my splendid new Irish friend Ailbhe (that's Alva to everyone who doesn't understand RIDICULOUS IRISH SPELLING) to watch brilliant improvised theatre, which seemed appropriate as it's been the Calgary International Improv Festival here. The final night we went to see Colin Mochrie (From 'Who's Line is it Anyway?'). The night before I made us slightly late (shocking I know, I'm usually so very punctual) and we arrived at the theatre just as the show started - But I shall use this as a total positive argument for LATENESS -

1. We got there at starting time so got extremely cheap, last-second tickets.

2. Some nice man was holding the door open for us. That nice fella was Colin Mochrie

Neither of these excellent things would've happened if we had been all prompt, dull and on time. So- me: 1, the laws of timekeeping: 0 (this is an independent score that doesn't take into account the various classes/films/buses I have been late for). After the final night we also discovered that Calgary doesn't really function after 9pm. We were Downtown. Yes, Downtown, where all the partying goings on should be taking place - and fast food should be readily available at any hour. but at 9.15 we only managed to locate, after blocks of walking, a single, open, suitable grease-stained-potentially-not-real-meat-serving establishment.

"Why is nothing open really-not-that-late?" We pontificated. Then some horribly drunk, horribly Scottish patrons of the delicatessen we were in the process of trading with came in and were horribly drunk and scottish. and lairy. and drunk. That I think was the answer to our question.

A quick assessment of my finances this weekend illustrated that I am in fact completely shafted in terms of... well... money. I seem to have $700 to last me 11 weeks. AHAHAHHAHA. Oh good. So of course I responsibly declared I couldn't possibly go and see Rusko (an actually decent DJ. IN CALGARY. THERE WOULD BE BASS! sadly a lack of 'Drum and -' and a surplus of WAPWAPWAP) as I couldn't justify the spendingz. And then my lavly frunds bribed me into going with a free ticket. And alcohol. So yeeeeeeeeeeah... that happened. awesome night with Andy and Nic (Leeds massive) and WILLY (token kiwi). So despite the unlikeliness of them reading

this I would like to say A-THANK YOU VAIR MUCH to all involved, apart, of course, from the coordinated person who threw something at Rusko's table in all the excitement near the end and totally fucked his laptop screen, putting an end to the mixing for the night. NICE ONE BRUVAAA.

Beyond these my life has consisted of a few meetings about writing for the student newspaper, improvisation club and writing my PAPER [the length is given in pages, like at primary school. I shall not dignify it with the title 'essay'] for Detective Fiction class - IN WHICH I GOT TO WRITE ABOUT DEXTER. God it was a bit awesome. I'm also studying Frank Miller's graphic novel [BATMAN GRAPHIC NOVEL] 'The Dark Knight Returns' for the same class. So basically wasting $90 to quit Geography was totally worth it.

Oh also, the play I got cast in - oh did I mention that? Well I got a part in these scenes some grad students have to direct for their course - was in an excerpt from 'The Heidi Chronicles'. But my grad student cancelled our first read through, then dropped out of the course. Sooo... OH WELL. I shall just have to perform that little bit more in my every day life. BRING ON THE DANCE ROUTINE. It was English-Ricky's 21st on Wednesday, so we had 'quiet drinks' in his flat. The Dirty Pint I watched him down made me feel incredibly sick and thankful for my singular beer. Which Ricky provided. Because I am now an impoverished freeloader apparently. Though certain people saw me as that in Leeds, so perhaps I'm just realising my true identity. Anyone got some ground I can kiss?

But I am going to get a JOB dammit, and I will go SKIING*. And that is final.

*I'll probably go snowboarding. I assume I will be a natural as I think it will suit my look. Especially the being-on-my-arse-a-lot part.

Going to the Armstrong's for dinner on Sunday for THANKSGIVING which is hugely exciting. And studying for my mid-term in Anthropology which is on Tuesday. Excellent.

quick warning that due to money situations posts may get

a) hugely less exciting as I can't do anything [just noticed I can italicise, may be able stop SHOUTING]

b) hugely more exciting as I have to find unusual free fun [and I've discovered this]

c) a combination of the 2 staying mostly, mundanely the same.

So something to look forward to there. Along with the John Butler Trio concert Tyler bought me a ticket for as my birthday present. and christmas present. for the rest of our lives. hero.

So I shall leave you salivating for that... or recovering from the mindless bombardment of this. Either way, I'm sure counselling will help.

GIANT HANDS AND FLAMING LIPS

God I love it when you're listening to your ipod on shuffle, walking around and the music just fits perfectly. Life with a soundtrack kicks ass. I've had music crescendoing as I burst out of a door and into the sunshine, ominous music coming on as I go into a gloomy basement and Sigur Ros swelling as I come round a corner and am met by scorched yellow leaves and intense blue sky and GORGEOUS AUTUMN on campus :D

It's been sunny and warm actually in Calgary for the first time since we got here! GOD IT'S NICE. Though yesterday there was a totally sudden and very insane wind that struck in the afternoon, stripped the trees of most of their leaves and then just subsided. The video I got of it's only the very end and seems a bit pathetic, but imagine a cow/moose flying past my window as well, then you'll get a true sense of it...

So what has passed since our weekend trip of exhibitionism? (oh did I not mention I forgot my pyjamas and slept in a dorm with 14 other people? No? Extra adventure...) Well the biggy was going with Tyler [well established gig-buddy now. 2 in 2 weeks makes it official] to see THE FLAMING LIIIIIIIIIPSSSSSSSSSSS

oh god they were exquisite. I've been told many times (by people at the festivals I've been at but missed them at) that their live shows are immense, and my hopes were raised walking back from my cancelled class in the morning of the gig I had to wait to let 2 HUGE GIANT RED LORRIES roll past full of lighting and staging equipment... The fact that Wayne Coyne (the grizzled, silvering and sexily brilliant frontman) started things off by getting in his hamster ball and zorbing over the audience, meant that they set a pretty high bar early on! Luckily confetti cannons, huge amounts of smoke (enough to camouflage various people sparking up indoors, sign of a good gig) and brilliant lights stepped up to the challenge. As did Wayne Coyne getting on the shoulders of a man in a bear costume (initially I was confused due to dry ice/smoke and perspective and thought he was wearing BRILLIANT BEAR TROUSERS. obviously I wasn't exactly disappointed when I realised [aahh song reference] the truth.)

lots of balloons helped things,

which he demanded we pop when a few songs later he was bored of these and decided it was time for

GIANT HANDS

WITH LASERS. AND DISCO BALLS. -->

So yes. things were pretty spectacular. This was the ending of the spectacular evening. (this song has just come onto my itunes as I write this. YES YES YES)

You may now feel I've saved you $60 and you don't need to go and see them yourselves. you're wrong. GO. NOW.

Other than this stonking evening my week was slightly more reserved, went to a couple of auditions last minute on friday (resolved not to go, then changed my mind and ran there 20 minutes late. HOW DRAMATIC.) but I feel my British accent may have scared them slightly. If I don't get cast that is of course why. That and the dreads. And the tongue piercing. hmm... It was for grad students directing scenes for their exams. Then I went to a free improvisation workshop. It was in 3 parts (on fri night and saturday throughout the day), each given by a different professional. It was really awesome, had a so much fun and it has made me want to do MORE DRAMA. Got asked to potter along to the improv club so going to that tomorrow which should be fun!

Saturday kicked off in such an excellent way, sure we were in at 9 which was brutal, but after my getting-a-sweat-on-from-walking-very-briskly-because-I'm-late journey there they hadn't even started. These are my kind of people.

The tall fella who came and sat next to me and hadn't been at the previous workshop was nice enough, then when he sat back into the light coming through the window I realised HE HAD INCREDIBLY SPARKLY HAIR. So I did the only polite and reserved thing I could do and turned to him and cried "YOUR HAIR IS INCREDIBLE AND SPARKLY!? WHY!!!?". He very sincerely explained, with no hint of irony or hilarity, that he'd found it in his room and realised he hadn't used it in a while. So put some on. For our 9am saturday morning workshop. Standing next to him in the mandatory GetIntoACircle-Drama-Circle the air in front me was glittering. It was like the acid trip in On The Quarry.

On Saturday night a load of us international students [I take back anything I ever thought about Riti. It's very easy to end up hanging out with Your Own Kind.] went out downtown, which made for a really nice change. We hit up a very high class shisha bar then a very grindy and bad-musicky sweaty club. It was really fun, and ended in a few of us standing out the front of our halls and some drunk idiots throwing various drinks out of a window at us. The next day our friends were telling us how much fun they had when they were hiding in their room with the lights off throwing drinks out of the window at some drunk idiots outside...

I spent a huge amount of yesterday in my pyjamas which was spectacular (I was making up for last weekend) and when I eventually showered, it was to go downtown on a hot date with Linda to an arthouse cinema. We were the only people in the entire cinema and they only put the film on because we arrived. Private cinemas = awesome. you can talk at full volume and totally make out.

Last week was a very good week and it flew by. In fact this saturday I will have been in Canada for a month. Which is ri-goddam-diculous. 1/8th of the way through?!

On my way to class this morning I went past a shameless and disgusting Pro-Life abortion-protest exhibition that drew ridiculous parallels between abortion and genocide using shocking photographs of no relevance. It was appalling and made me incredibly angry and I may go and protest against them. If you're going to make points try to do it in a valid way, not a sensationalist and shocking bullshit exclamation. Perhaps I'll just kindly point them in the direction of Bill Hicks and his eternal wisdom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJcebIEOkhY

Or perhaps I'll just poo on their demonstration.

But it's sunny now so let us leave them to their own sanctimonious bullshit posing.

A HUGE AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LOUISE AND ANDINA [in chronological order] - I hope they were both spectacular!

I must now go and buy some groceries (that's right. I said groceries. Deal with it.) so I have more to eat than just rubbery Edam...

Roooooad Triiiiip

So this weekend a few (and by a few I of course mean 14) of us rented 3 cars and drove to Banff on Friday, about an hour and half away, West into the MOUNTAINS, and then way up to Jasper on Saturday. We left our halls at about half 5 on Friday afternoon and had the sun going down as we drove out of the city and into the Rocky Mountains. It was pretty amazing... We also managed to go during the single week of Autumn Calgary seems to get - BUMF IT IS WINTER - and got some intensely beautiful colours. There are of course many pictures. Look, there's one:

We eventually managed to find the hostel in Banff, Hostelling International FTW - I may have to work in one when I finish studying here. or just for the rest of my life... We got there pretty late and after the least successful cooking of a pizza ever [first the oven was in fact off. then that problem got solved after 10 minutes of 'cooking' and it got set to 200 degrees. Farenheit. So after almost an hour it was beginning to get warm. Then we realised, overcompensated and burnt it. Spectacular work ladies.] there was only thing to do. NINETIES KARAOKE. Now I personally wouldn't class "Where Is The Love" or "Summer of '69" as 90's, but I guess they were just abiding by the national law that BRYAN ADAMS MUST BE PLAYED EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR. Dunno what the fuck the Black Eyed Peas thought they were doing... Various intoxicants made this into quite an exciting evening, don't worry I didn't get up and sing. I just sat on the windowsill where I was and sang. Loudly. And brilliantly. With gestures. Especially for 'I Like Big Butts' - Linda was sitting next to me and laughingly said "this is a stupid choice of song, no one knows any of the words after the first ver-" then turned around to see me NAILING THE ENTIRE RAP. Good times.

Got up at a pleasant 7am (at times it felt like a bit of a school trip [in germany in 1942]) and it was soooo fucking cold - there was such poor visibility, with low thick cloud surrounding us. The first part of the road, to Lake Louise - was terrible/just white. BUT the lake itself looked really ethereal and misty. It was overcast but really incredible. It didn't come out that well.

As the drive went on, with 200km ahead of us, the weather continued. So we decided to just head to the glacier which was halfway, as it would have been pointless going to viewpoints. Then suddenly, having been immersed in white for about 40 minutes since the lake Vicky suddenly cried "blue sky!"at a tiny patch peeking through. Then- we could suddenly see the mountains! And the sky was coming out and all of a sudden it was clear and we were greeted by this:

which was quite nice.

The rest of the road was absolutely amazing and the weather was incredible. We stopped at various glaciers and waterfalls and viewpoints. I think the most brilliant were: Peyto Lake, which reflects glaciel sediment or something fantastic which makes it look like THIS:

... And then the most mind boggling and insane was the Athabasca Glacier on the edge of the Columbian Icefield, which is 125 sq mi and 350 m deep. which is as thick as the Eiffel Tower. It also feeds into THREE oceans. It is not near the coast.

and it's receded this ridiculous distance, all the way across a big flat expanse, the highway and a fat carpark. Since 1844 I managed to drop my hat while we were there. 2 down one to go... We stopped at 2 beautiful waterfalls, the 2nd of which was in a page of 25 amazing nature photographs Luke randomly sent me the day I got back and was telling him about it. COINCIDENTAL? I think not... clearly MAGIC AFOOT. I wish I'd taken it and that it looked quite this good. It did also sound fantastic:

We headed to our cabin by about 6pm. The road it's on is right up into the mountains, for about 40minutes of winding off the Freeway. We knew it was in the middle of nowhere but this was insane! We ended up practically at the foot of the 2nd tallest peak in the province at a full-on cabin in the woods with no real electricity, no running water and a very real risk of bears.

Following rules at a hostel like that doesn't piss me off cos they make SENSE - Don't leave food in your room, cos a bear might break in. LOGICAL.

We consumed [inhuman amounts of] pasta and beer and campfire, and a small child playing on his Gameboy DS with my friend Beaver having an in depth conversation with him. 'Lonely Nick', the guy that ran the hostel (it was a Hostelling International hostel! so brilliant) explained to us that bears don't like the smell of people, unlike him. Bit of a legend, I liked him. He was also good enough to come running when our fire alarm started going off in while we were all outside huddled round the campfire, because Alex and Beaver made the fire in our hearth in the cabin, but had then left the newspaper on top of it - which of course burst in to flames. There was a bit of a drama, where every testicled person expect the single asleep under 10yr old, fast-man-walked to the cabin to stood heroically and watched the paper burn out from a safe distance. Brilliant.

I also had the most paranoid and terrified journey to the loo/outhouse/longdrop across the car park (past the kitchen where all the food was locked) in the middle of the night, utterly convinced I was being watched by a bear...

We woke up in the morning and it was snowing. It was the 19th of September. THIS COUNTRY IS RIDICULOUS. Nick invited us all back there in the spring saying we should go when they open it but it's just for the people who can reach it, by cross country skiing. It's amazing. AMAZING. The other thing that is amazing is the sheer delicious extravagance of Canadian breakfast. We all went for a spectacular one (I had Eggs Benedict thanks) down towards Jasper before heading back south. We drove to Banff (4 hours or so) stopping only at the glacier half way so I could FIND MY HAT. oh yes. THAT'S RIGHT. Got that brown bad boy back!

Then from a toilet and Safeways stop (of some tension, though I personally was feeling more relaxed than I had done while desperate for a wee for the previous 2 hours) we got back to Cascade! Epic haaaaaul!

In other news I've had to drop my Geography module [due to some silly contract I signed promising to do at least %60 relevant courses] and lose $90 because I got all keen and installed the authorization code for my online textbook, which instantly makes it NONREFUNDABLE before finding out I shouldn't be doing it. But I am now doing a module in DETECTIVE FICTION. So I gots to read Hound of the Baskervilles. HELLZ YEAH SHERLOCK. Awesome.

Got a winter coat today which is A WONDERFUL THING. Went shopping for 6 HOURS because I went with AUSTRALIAN BOYS and they are massive retail WOMEN. To be fair it was snow gear shopping including snow boards. But wow. My legs ache so very much, and we ended up trying to get an all you can eat buffet in a Casino. Desperation and possibly insanity had begun to set it.

And I just watched Cool Runnings with my mate Tyler. I am so very very happy.

Big shout out to the studious Louise Dickinson for catching up on my blog, raise a glass of champers for me would you darling? Thanks everyone who's been reading this and saying lovely things :)

LOVE YOU ALL MUCHLY, have fun all of you who are wiggling your ways back to Leeds - HAVE A FAT ONE FOR ME PLEASE.

Feel da rhythm, feel da rhyme...